Struggling

Over the last little while I have been doing really well. I have been really happy, enjoying my time with Farron, and have been getting use to life here. And the struggle with work was getting so much better, I wasn't stressing, or worrying, and I wasn't getting sick in the mornings. But the last few days I have been having mini melt downs in the morning. I have no idea what is going on but I just dread going to work and once I get that feeling, I think about home and how much I miss everyone and it is just a big snow ball effect from there. Anyways, I just needed to vent and I am just hoping I can overcome all of this. It's a bit scary really and I am feeling like I have lost control.

Better days are coming, right?

The House We Might Own

Here are some pics of the house!!!




The Front of the House

Entrance into Main floor Living Room

Kitchen Fridge

Kitchen

Part of the Master bedroom

Master bedroom bathroom Tub

Office

Bedroom

Main room in Basement

Basement Bathroom ShowerBasement Bathroom

Christmas

Well it's that time again, Christmas is fastly approaching and I am soo excited. Farron and I went out lastnight and they were playing Christmas music in the stores, there were decorations everywhere, and I got the excited Christmas spirit feeling. This Christmas is going to be a lot different from what I am use to. I am far far away from home and for the first time in 24 years I won't be able to see my parents, to see their face when they open their gift from me, I won't be able to wake them up early, and hear my Dad read the Christmas story. I won't be able to eat Mom's Christmas dinner or taste Dad's pumpkin pie. I won't be able to see the nieces and nephews enjoying their new toys. I won't be able to give my parent's hugs, kisses, and thanks for the countless gifts they give me. I won't be able to model my new clothes to see if they meet the 'rents standards. I won't be able to visit with Laurie and his family and steal their Christmas candy. I won't be able to go to Lucy's and see the whole gang as we enjoy the many dishes she prepares, or admire all her Christmas decorations. I won't be able to attend the Christmas Eve service, or open that one special gift on Christmas eve with the Family. I won't be able to do a lot of things, the list goes on and on.

But this year there are a lot of different things I will be able to do. I will be able to spend the whole Christmas Season with Farron. I will be able to wake up Christmas morning with him beside, and for the first time in 7 years we can celebrate Christmas together. I will be able to see Aaron, Tanya, Suki, and Coco. I will be able to decorate our place anyway I want, with Farron's input of course. I can put Christmas lights up outside. I can entertain. I can watch Farron's face as he opens his gifts. I can kiss Farron first thing in the morning. I can buy all the Christmas decorations I need and want. I wan bake cookies, and cakes, and chocolates. I can spend Christmas dinner with Aaron for a change. I can do a lot of things.

This post was originally intended to be one where I would write all the great childhood memories I had of Christmas, but I sort of went off on a tangent. Now back on track.

As a child Christmas was always the greatest time of year for me and I have so many great memories. I remember Nana spending some Christmas eve nights at our house, and spending Christmas day at her house seeing all my cousins. I remember sometimes Nana would decorate her tree with chocolate ornaments and I would undecorate by eating them.

I remember always getting the special doll I asked for from Santa and then going to Aunt Joanne's and she always had another one waiting for me. One year I had to get up through the night to pee, and I remember seeing something on the table (it was dark) and I thought Santa forgot his sack, but it was just one of my stuffies.

I remember going the sunday school christmas concerts and I just loved gettting the treatbags at the end of the night, the chocolates were my favorite part. I remember opening one gift christmas eve as a family.

I use to love Christmas because it meant we got to go visit everyone, all my aunts and uncles and friends. It was so much fun and we got to play with all the new toys everyone got. I remember playing pictionary at Katrins, Crystal, and Christy's and Laurie some how got a bloody nose!?!

I loved waking up early and seeing that Santa had left my socking full of gifts, and a gift under my special tree in my room that I was allowed to open before everyone else got up. I loved listening to the radio and hearing they had just seen Santa and he would soon be arriving, one year I was a little scared and hid behind the stove.

I use to love help decorating the tree and I remember how much Dad hating hanging the lights, lol. I use to love seeing all the different ornaments especially the home made ones. And seeing the finished product was amazing. And seeing the first gifts go under was so exciting.

I remember how much I loves shaking and feeling all the gifts before Christmas and guessing what was inside. I remember laying in bed Christmas eve and dreaming about what I'd get. And Santa always came throught bringing me exactly what I wanted and more.

I can not wait for Christmas to come, it seems to just have a way of taking all the saddness away and making everything feel alright. So here's to new beginnings, traditions, and memories!

Desire to be Sad

As I sit here tonight watching Hope Floats I have come to the realization that I actually enjoy being sad. Or atleast I think I must. I mean nothing beats watching a sad sad movie and trying to hide the tears as they roll down your cheek. Or how about listening to the same miserable song over and over again and just waiting to hear it again and again so you feel that twinge of sadness. It just seems every now and again a good ole cry does wonders for a person....but maybe it's just me!

Work, Eat, Sleep

Lately, it seems as though my life revolves around these three things: work, eating, and sleep. I get up at 7am see Farron off to work, waste a bit of time on here and then get ready for work. The next step, it's off to work I go. I work all day, then come home eat supper, lounge around a bit watching tv, or playing around on the computer and then the final step of my day: SLEEP.

So I guess what I don't get is if this is what my life is going to consist of what was the since of working so hard in school to get this? I mean don't get me wrong I am able to finally buy things I want and live comfortable. But it just seems there is not enough time to enjoy the real things in life when we have to work so much. And I have it nice because I do work short days and sometimes have 3 day week-ends, but there still just is not enough time.

I guess I am starting to get use to this routine, but I am not sure I want to. I want to be happy all the time not just on week-ends. And I just feel something should be done about it before I am retiring as a grumpy old dental hygienist, complaining about how miserable my life has been.

I have several ideas on what would make me happier it's just obtaining those things that is making things difficult. For one I would love to work with Farron, I think going to and from work together and being there for each other wouldn't make work seem so terrible. I wouldn't feel alone or lost and we would be able to spend a lot more time together, which I miss. I mean we have been attached at the hip since we've been together and once we got married it's like we were disconnected and it is taking a lot for me to get use to it.

My second idea, that I believe would make me feel happier, would be owning my own business. I know it would be a lot of work but it has so many benefits. I could work as much or as little as I wanted, I could close on short notice for emergencies, I wouldn't have to worry about calling in sick, I could have stress leave, lol. It would make family time a lot easier and I would not have anyone to answer to but myself.

I guess all in all what I am trying to say, is this work thing is fine for now but eventually I am going to need an alternative to make me happy!

House Hunting

So we went searching for our very first home yesterday and we think we might have found it. It was the one we viewed on-line, but weren't really considering it, but once we went inside we both fell in love with it. We viewed 7 others, but this one just really stuck out and I think we both have our little hearts set on it. We are going to go view it again tomorrow night, and if we still are in love with it, we will be making them an offer. I am so excited!!! And since I am so excited I am sure something will happen and we won't get the house. But cross your fingers we do!!!!