Complete Downer

I feel like being a complete complainer today. So if you wish to remain in a somewhat happy/good mood I would recommend not reading this.

Things that are wrong with my lave the life, bothering me, or I am worrying about

1. Work, I am terrified of working. I want to be a stay at home wife. Seriously, thinking about working anywhere really stresses me out. I am just so terrified of messing up, hurting someone, or getting fired. I hate the thought of being gone all day, getting home long enough to eat and shower, and then it's time for bed again. I don't want to be an adult anymore.

2. I am over half way across the country from the majority of my friends and family. My new baby niece was just born, my sister and her kids are all at my parents for the week, and here I sit all alone. I miss being around people especially family. Sometimes, I just wish I could hop in a car and visit even for just an hour. Being apart from so many people all at once is overwhelming. And the worst part is I have no idea when I will have the chance to go home again.

3. My bestfriend is getting married in October and I can't be there. Having to move for work really sucks.

4. So today I decided to start the 1200 cal diet again. Ever since the wedding I haven't stopped eating, and it has been mostly junk. So today I thought I should try and make things right again. It's only a little after lunch and I already don't think I can last the day.

5. Germs. I am terrified of germs and it is something that is on my mind rather often. Everytime I touch something, I have to think if my hands are clean, and who will be touching it after that might get my germs.

6. My last place of employment, still has not paid me. They haven't even asked for my SIN. I only lasted 4 days but I made more money then I would have a whole month working last summmer, so it's not something I can just let slide. But as usual I am too scared to ask about it. So I am going to have to call after hours and leave them a message.

7. Lately, I have been feeling really lonely. I hate the fact that Farron and I are now separated during days and possibly some week-end days as well. I just want to spend every waking moment with him. He is my life and the air I breath and being here without him really bites.

8. Construction crew men are always lurking around the neighbourhood and frankly they just creep me out. I would love to wake up some day and have an empty area, with no crew, no machines and no noise.

9. My hair has been getting on my nerves lately too. I always have to wear it up, and when it is down I have to use my sunglasses like a headband to keep it out of my face. I want a change, but again am terrified. I know if I chop it I will regret it. But I don't see any sense of just getting a little cut off, because then no one can even tell.

Well there is my vent hopefully the only one for a long time. In an ideal world I would be living at home with not a care in the world running my own business with Farron. Not stuck here alone