Oohhh I Feel Like Writing, Writing

I am just going to to get everything out. Lastnight I had this weird uneasy feeling inside me. I felt really really stressed and I was not sure why. Anyways, I did not think much of it and then today the break down occurred. I was having a problem and had to call a company and well after about 15 minutes, 3 tries to talk to a human being, and 50 000 options later I had it. I threw the home down, slammed the bathroom door and hopped in the shower. Hopped, sounds to fluffy, more like I jumped into the shower. After finishing I sat in the tub with the water hitting my back and just set their for minutes. After getting out of the shower the tears started coming. And all my problems came racing to the fore front. There are so many things on my mind, so many things I have to do, so many things I am unhappy with and they all hit me all at once and it was too much for me to take.

Number one on the list would have to be my weight, I just keep getting bigger and bigger, eatting more and more. And I can't seem to stop myself. I have no desire to exercise or eat healthier. Well I want to, but I don't have the drive I need. I hate seeing myself in the mirror, and it's getting to the point where I hate Farron touching me. I feel so gross and it makes me cry whenever I think about it. I know I am not huge, but I use to be smaller. I use to almost like how I look and now I just hate it. I don't want to look fat in my wedding pictures, I want to be beautiful for myself. I just feel so defeated before I even begin, I am hungry all the time and it's not like I crave carrot sticks, I crave breads and chips, and chocolate. I just do not know where to start I mean I am soo tempted to join LA weight loss. I just want to feel in control again. I feel like I have lost what little self-control I use to have. Everyone around me seems to be losing weight, getting healthy, and exercising. I am so lazy and such a lover of food that I am having a really difficult time getting myself motivated. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I know I am the only one who can change my ways, but I just feel so alone and I know I can not do it on my own. I need help, but I'm not sure what kind of help.

Next we have the wedding there is still a lot to do and well again I am not sure where to start. The dresses for the girls still aren't fitting and I just don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't be worried about something so minor, if the dresses don't fit we'll find something else. In a few years no one will remember what the girls wore anyway, as long as I look good that's all that matters anyways, right? LOL

And then there is this thing they call debt. I am soo far in debt and it kind of scares me, yet I am not sure why. I have just graduated, I have three interviews lined up and we will have a dual income, so why am I so worried? Well I guess it is because I am looking at the here and now instead of in the future. Sure right now I do not have 2 cents to rub together, however, next year this time my student loan will be much much smaller, and my credit card debt gone. Why do I worry about things that I know deep down are not worth worrying about?
Let's see what else was on my mind. Oh yeah moving, writing my final exam, and well I guess that is about it. Anyways, I guess that's it.

This afternoon I went to school and finished up my last restoration ever!!! It felt so good to finish up. Now if I can learn not to worry so much, everything will be perfect.