Lately I've been thinking back to my teenage years ( all of 5 years ago, lol) and just wondering if this is where I thought I would be. And the more I think the more clear the answer becomes, "No, no this is not where I thought I would be or where I want to be."
I guess I kind of grew up with my head in the clouds thinking my life would just fall into place. I automatically assumed getting a university degree meant I would end up making a lot of money and I now see a simple BSc means absolutely nothing, you have to go on and sometimes even backtrack in order to make money. So here I am studying to become a RDH. I also just assumed I would end up being married by 22 and having children by 23, 24. Well here I sit, a week away from my 23rd b-day, no ring on my finger and no baby on the way. And to tell you the honest truth I"m not even 100% certain I want children. I would love the experience of carrying a living being inside of me and raising a child, however, it's all so scary so many things can go wrong, new childhood disorders are being diagnosed everyday, not to mention the fact that this world isn't easiest place to grow up in. Teenage sex is on the rise as is drug and alcohol use, and I am in no way ready to rise grandbabies. And this is going to sound selfish, but I am so far in debt and I've worked so hard to get myself through school that once this is all over, I really want to have the opportunity to enjoy my money by travelling, seeing the world, building a shoe collection (okay this one I can put on hold for children), and spending alone time with my partner and I'm just not sure how to mix children into this. And one more thing if I were to have children I think it is such a good idea to adopt, there are so may children who need families and I feel by having my own I am taking away a parent from one of them.
Onto antoher matter, becoming a RDH. This scares the crap out of me and I'm not completely sure why. I just thought growing up I would be in a career where I could make a difference and I guess with this career I could, just not it the way I had hoped. Everyday I wake up it's really difficult to tell myself why I have chosen this. And I guess part of the difficulty lies in the fact that I didn't so much choose this as got thrown into it....I hate this so much because the ONLY reason I am where I am and doing this program is solely for MONEY. I never ever wanted to be that relient on money as to let it choose my destiny. I would love to be a teacher, but at this point with my debt the way it is I can not afford it. How sad is it when someone can not do what it is they truely want to dol. Canada is in hard shape, each day parents entrust the fate of their children's education in the hands of teachers, little do they realize that these educators are getting paid very unfairly. Who deserves to make more than the people responsible for Canada's future?

2 pounds down,eating great and about 4 hours of exercise (walking). This week I'm aiming even higher, I'd love to lose atleast three pounds and exercise an hour a day (eliptical and free weights).
Only one week of classes left then a week and a half of exams. I have two clinic days left and am so excited, can't wait for it to end. Then I'm off to Calgary for the summer. I received a call yesterday and I have a job lined up...ah things can't get much better....well okay yes they can...I could have won the lottery last night or got accepted into speech pathology...oh well we won't go there...yet.

Well it's the start of day three and so far so good. I've been eating three healthy meals a day plus healthy snacks...the worse thing I've had so far has been light pb on celery. I am having major sugar/chocolate withdrawls making me extremely cranky/moody/stressed. My sublingual glands are swolen like crazy, my neck and shoulders hurt, and my gingiva is a mess. My exercise has yet to commence. I find the eating better easy to do but the exercise I just can not get motivated. I really want to lose the extra pounds but am having a hard job pushing myself...I need some motivation, all suggestions welcome....

Change is good, wouldn't you agree? And now it is time for me to do some of my own. For the last year I have been virtually motionless. I have done the same thing day after day: get up, go to school/work, come home, ext, go to sleep. All of which includes no exercise and limited healthy food. Eatting out has become very convenient, and watching tv has become very habit forming. I look at pictures of me from highschool and wish I could look like that again, well instead of wishing I'm actually going to do something about it, and this timeI'm doing it for me nobody else. I want to look at myself in the mirror and actually be pleased, of get on the scale and not feel anxious.
Well I'll keep you posted on my success.